Niraffe Monkeys.

Niraffe came to the island.

He came for about 3 days and it was wonderful. The time was short but it was a much needed break from the forest/Japanese/station/monkeys for me.

We stayed in a nice ryokan (traditional Japanese inn) and had wonderful meals. The ryokan lady was so enamored with Niraffe that she even gave us free booze and island gifts. I felt like a fool at times because I could not completely follow their conversations (all in Japanese), but it was nice to not have to worry about my communication skills for a few days. Also, because of the recent typhoon, almost everyone had canceled their reservations at the inn, which meant lots more hospitality and attention for both of us.

The day he arrived, we drove almost the entire south side of the island. I showed him my monkeys (they happened to be near the road at the time) and he agreed that they were cute. I told him each of their names and he agreed that living here had made me crazy. We clambered over mossy rocks in our bare feet and stood in the mist of a waterfall until we were drenched. Then we made our way to the ryokan where I backed his rental car into a rock and he didn't even get mad...

Beautiful.

Some examples of ryokan awesome:

1. In the station, I share a room with two other girls who snore and wake up at 4am and step on my futon. In the ryokan, I could finally sleep through a bug-less night and awake with my alarm instead of 2 hours before.

2. In the station, ever body pitches in and makes one dish each for a communal dinner, some of them delicious, some of them questionable. In the ryokan, 10 different dishes were served in small portions and I was able to eat things like deep-fried flying fish, sesame tofu in the shape of a sea turtle, and fresh passion fruit with free shochu (Japanese rice alcohol). Also, I learned that for all his Japanese-ness and culture skills, Niraffe can't pour tea worth shit. (JK Niraffe! *airkisses!*)

3. In the station, the water is heated by solar panels on the roof, which means that there is about 5 minutes of tepid water to share between the 8 of us. In the ryokan, I was able to take a proper shower and bath AND wear a yukata AND feel like a sumo wrestler.

After a night of boozing and a proper night's rest in the ryokan, we hiked in the patch of forest that inspired the film Princess Mononoke, shopped in the local cedar-speciality shops, visited various pottery kilns to examine their wares, and drove the entire circumference of the island. We found an awesome swimming hole (about 5 mins from the station) and even managed to see some sea turtles.

Ashitaka!!!!!

Yakul!!!

I can't tell you how much I needed this vacation time. I was rested, relaxed, and had spent about 3 days away from the lesser primates. (I mean the station people and the monkeys)

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end eventually and again I returned to the station and another grueling day in the forest.

Since I have finished taking samples from my focal troop, I decided to start collecting from another well-characterized troop in order to expand my sample size. I asked another researcher (who does not live in the station) if I could accompany him to his focal troop. He agreed. He did warn me though... the terrain of the troop he studies is tough and there is a lot of steep ground to cover just to find the monkeys. I, speaking as a person who has spent the last month and a half hiking some treacharous nearly vertical terrain, heedlessly waved off his warning and told him that I would be fine.

But sometimes I am just wrong. The climbing was difficult times 10, and I was dead tired after about 4 hours of uphill/downhill/sideways climbing while holding onto trees/rocks/soil for support. (It was more like painful crawling really). Also, I got my period when I was approximately an hour's uphill hike from my scooter. And I was hot, tired, PMSing, and out of water. The last bit of the day was excruciating, but I managed to make it home with a scowl on my face, take a cold shower, and nap.

Needless to say I will not be collecting from this new troop. Which means that I must return to the area where I previously battled the male monkeys with pointy stick. Another friend who has been visiting them lately assures me that it's fine, but experience tells me otherwise. If they even look at me funny, I am picking up a large tree branch and getting the hell out of there.

In other news...

1. Due to the abundance of ground leeches, I now tuck my pants into my socks, which makes me the best dressed hiker on the island.

2. When people tell me that maybe I would benefit from doing something a different way, or that maybe I shouldn't have done this or that, my favorite thing to say lately is, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was America." And if they still look at me like I'm some twat who can't take a helpful suggestion, I follow that with, "You know... land of the free." Unfortunately, I cannot really say this here because it doesn't translate or apply. So I just use it on the phone when talking to Americans because it kinda completely maybe sometimes applies somewhat.

2. Ohmygod my legs look fabulous. All this hiking has given them a tone they have never had before and I even have this awesome new muscle that lies flat on top of my shin. And the frequent swimming excursions have toasted them to a beautiful honey brown.

But! My legs are so covered in bug bites that I look like walking herpes. And nobody wants to talk to herpes. Especially when herpes hasn't shaven (shaved?) her legs in weeks.

3. Sometimes Japanese people know things, and it impresses me. There is a girl here who is a pastry chef and she showed me this ingenious way to whiten old and stained teacups. First, obtain some eggshells and wash out any residual egg. Put eggshells in stained teacup and fill with water. Let this sit overnight then wash with a rough sponge in the morning. The stain comes out as if it was slime, and the teacup is restored to its original whiteness. Apparently, this also works when whitening rags and cleaning years of layered oil off a well-used pan.

4. The typhoon was fine. I ventured out during the typhoon (because I was curious/stupid) and had to sit down at one point because the wind was so incredibly strong that it almost knocked me out of my flip flops. Despite this I still managed to make it to the beach where the ocean had this beautiful dark broody feeling going on. It was choppy as far out as I could see and the waves came all the way to the sea wall. I wish I could've taken a picture. I also wish I could've taken a picture of the look on my friend's face when her glasses flew off her face and smashed into her car.

The road in the forest was fucked the next day though. I had to lift up my scooter twice to go over fallen trees and the monkeys were everywhere.

Can you spot the monkeys? They are grooming in a row.

5. Zadie Smith.

And now for your moment of zen:

I tried the macro button. Did it work?

So now I'm off to visit the monkeys of death. Wish me luck!

10 Things of This Week.

New blog slogan maybe: "A monkey in every entry. Guaranteed!"

There are some things that I read/think/see/hear about in the space of a week that I believe are worthy of mention but not in their own blog entry. Hence the emerging trend of the 10 things list. I guess I do have a tendency to break stuff down into lists on this blog-thing and it only recently became apparent to me when a friend sent me an email with a breakdown of recent events in list form in response to reading my blog. And... I really appreciated the clarity of the email, even though it lacked emotional depth. (I always did test in the practical ranges of those personality tests)

So! Life on the island is wonderful/stressful/horrifying/confusing/scary all at the same time, which makes me into one hot mess. This week has been no exception as I have simultaneously experienced what the eye of the storm looks like from the ground and learned of the existence of ground leeches. Also, poisonous centipedes (ムカデ) in my room? How awesome! Let's take a look at this week...

10 things this week:

1. Happy Birthday Mr. J! This guy I know (I think his name is Jom?) turned a year older this week. I gave him his birthday present the last time he came to visit (herpes... of love).

2. There are these old fishermen who spend all their days in cedar canoes out on the ocean with bamboo fishing poles. They would be the picture of quintessential prewar Japanese lifestyle except for that they usually have BOOMBOXES on their boats, and they pump out old Japanese throaty-war-opera music at an incredible decibel. I never thought I would find the equivalent of a low-rider rolling by blaring reggaeton in the Japanese countryside, but... there they are.

Also, you can stare daggers at them from the shore but they will just turn up the volume and cackle at you maniacally. They are my personal heroes.

3. Arnold Schwarzenegger is so awesome. I read an article in the NY Times about a new green policy he is pushing, and the pitch for it was: "Save the planet. OR ELSE." Hahahaha! The TERMINATOR thinks YOU... should separate your recyclables! Free us from fossil fuels!

On a sidenote, while the governator was campaigning for his original candidacy, he visited California college campuses to encourage the younger vote. Dear old Arny delivered a speech about important government stuff at my friend's college campus and ended it with, "'Asta la vista, baby." Awesome. Just awesome.

4. The thought that most commonly pops into my head while I'm trekking in the forest is, "Who am I? And how did I get here?" I still have yet to answer these questions.

5. Have you ever stumbled across a random blog and thought to yourself, "God! Shut up already!" Whenever I can't sleep because of the looming poisonous centipedes and giant spiders, I read blogs and think this all the time. But never about my blog. Never.

6. There is a general reverence for nature here at the station. The monkeys are left to do what they do, the deer are tolerated for being brainless tufts of fur/fleas, and the GIANT SPIDERS that live in the station are not smashed and gently shooed off the dining table. Now, nature is all fine and good.. but that's not how I do things in my personal space. I've killed about 10 giant spiders in the past few days and have taken out a personal vendetta to kill ever last one of them after midnight when everyone else is asleep. Starting with the shower spider:

I cannot tell you how much I hate this spider. Whenever I finally notice it, I am always vulnerable and naked in the shower. And I can feel all eight of its eyes on me.

It has fangs the size of cat claws. And they don't use webs; webs are for wussy spiders who can't pounce on their prey and smash through its skull with their pincers. These spiders are gangsta' and eat birds.

Yes, I killed this sucker, and it felt good. Also I killed it human-style, using about half a can of bug spray. Human > Nature.

7. The huge and scary heap of gaijin (foreigner) furry that is Niraffe visits on Monday! I can't wait to have conversations that do not revolve around monkeys and how wonderful organic vegetables are. It will be a nice break from my spiral into insanity.

8. Hi Casser! Plootch rules!

9. Last night was absolutely amazing. First, the power went out on the entire island. That meant no laptops, no reading lights; the perfect excuse to not do any research. It was a clear night yet we could hear the thunder rolling in and the lightning seemed to be coming from all directions at once. We ventured out to the beach (about 20m from the front door) and saw that we were in the eye of a massive storm. Since there were no lights anywhere on the island, I could see more stars than I ever have in my life. I must've seen about 20 shooting stars/satellites/UFOs!

In every other direction (besides directly over our heads) there were dark clouds that were illuminated every few seconds by spectacular cracks of lightning. And the wind blew in fantastic gusts and the thunder was absolutely deafening. There really are no words... sometimes nature > humans.

10. There is this stuff here called natto (pronounced queef-farts) that smells of death and tastes of... death. There are reasons why poison dart frogs are brightly colored and rattlesnakes have rattles: this is nature's way of letting us know that if you fuck with them, they will kill you. It's the same principle with natto and its smell/taste/appearance, yet everyone here at the station eats it everyday, sometimes twice a day. I. Don't. Understand. This. And I'm, like, really understanding of other cultures, or whatever.

And in closing:

1. Next time, I will write a good entry about the monkeys and include some pictures and reflections on their behavior. Prepare for your mind to be BLOWN (by cute monkey pictures)!

2. The look of this website sickens me. If any of you can help me out by teaching me some web design stuff I promise to make a poorly-executed virtual shrine to you utilizing those skills.

Also, a honest to goodness typhoon will be coming to the island on Saturday. I might die, but I'll try to live instead.

Looooooooooove!

The Loneliness is Not the Enlightenment.

And lo' the loneliness brings with it unfathomable pain (for you guys, who must now read about it).

Of course, there are OTHERS in the field station that I can talk to. I talk to the OTHERS everyday at dinner and occasionally see them in the morning. But after we have eaten our toast and painstakingly tried not to make eye contact with each other in that dangerous too early morning period, we go our separate ways into our own patches of forest not to see each other again until about 8pm. (But seriously folks, were all the best friends here and wash each other's backsides nightly at the communal bath while singing the Station Loyalty Song)

But generally for the entire meat of the day, I am alone in the forest.

In order to combat this, I really really tried hard to just throw myself into the beauty of the forest. The forest that I study in is actually the one that inspired the forest in Hayao Miyazaki's film Princess Mononoke. There is so much beauty to be had that it really does clears the mind and quite literally fills me with strange forest spirit feelings. As if I can greet the trees and the rocks every day and somehow, they'll understand and know me. *she's crazy!*

But since it's been over a month with seeing the same shit every day, I am so completely over all this moss-covered rock ambiance nonsense. I'm past the point where I can process any more beauty and my general "appreciation for all that is natural" has all but dwindled to a dull, passionless flame. You know that one scene in American Beauty where the neighbor boy goes on a rant about how there is so much beauty in the world that it fills him up? While watching that gay video of the flying plastic bag? All this in front of his girlfriend who, you know, he's trying to bone? I hate that scene. (Yet sometimes I find people who worship it? Who are you people? And why are you so lame?)

Anyhoo, loneliness. So here's what I've done that leads me to believe that I am subconsciously lonely:

1. I collected two completely innocent crabs out of the forest and made them live in my scooter basket to keep me company on rides. However, I forgot to cover my scooter basket one night and they died the next morning due to prolonged exposure to direct sunlight, a la Kirsten Dunst's death in Interview with a Vampire. They were too beautiful for this world...

2. I then collected two praying mantid and they now live in my room, stalking the insects that congregate on my window screen. Seriously, they are my life right now. I check on them all the time, even when I wake up in the middle of the night. I notice minute changes in their forelimbs and capture insects for them when I think they look gaunt.

3. I have been emailing internet entities (that I know will give NO response) and then I (im)patiently wait for a response! This has included bands that I want to see/want to see again in Japan telling them to please come to Kyoto because YOU'RE SOOOO AWESOOOMMMEE!!!1 WHOOOOOOOO!g!1... etc. This has also included the authors of some blogs that I read. Essentially, I send them pretty lame emails telling them that I'm a fan. The funny thing is, these emails are incredibly boring and standard fan mail fare but they take me like an hour to write.

4. I have this incredible desire to groom the monkeys. It's not uncommon for them to come up really close to me and literally sit on my feet, and I have to stop myself from reaching down and giving them a pet while telling them how much of a cuuuutie they are. I really do have to stop this impulse because they will very likely SCRATCH MY FACE OFF and sic the males monkeys on me to do the same. But still, I like, really really want to do this. I guess it is natural to want to touch small furry things (that could maim you blind).

5. As if becoming grooming buddies with the monkeys wasn't bad enough, I also want to befriend the deer. Now Japanese deer are the stupidest animals ever and they really deserve to be eaten raw by Japanese people (this is a kind of delicacy in some regions). Deer will see a human coming THEN STOP COMPLETELY STILL IN THEIR TRACKS thinking that we will not see a huge deer-shaped brown spot stopped mid-graze against the green backdrop of the forest. Of course, we do see them and will continue to walk towards them without caring. Then, at the last possible moment, the stupid deer will finally realize that their cover is blown, make a high-pitched yelp sound (this always scares the shit out of me), and bound away only to turn back, stop still, and restart the whole cycle over again. In this case, I think my desire for friendliness is more of a practical thing as I am just so sick of their startled-stand-still-high-pitched-yelp thing that I would prefer it if we were friends so that we could all just get along.

In other news...

1. I got my scooter back. Its tire is fixed but now it randomly shuts off when I go uphill sometimes? For no reason? And generally only when I am transporting ice cream and fresh sashimi on a 99F degree day? With 100% humidity? And where there's no shade?

2. Since I got my scooter back, I had to return the car that they let me borrow in the meantime. This car was a piece (four gears, no rpm monitor, strange earthy smell), but I know I am going to miss it since typhoon season starts... now.

3. A really fat professor (that I don't even really know but he has authority over the station or something) sent me a very patronizing email about some completely benign issue that got my panties all in a twist. He essentially told me that I lacked respect. I considered responding with, "You lack a metabolism," but I caved and wrote an appropriate response to clear the air. Apparently, what I do lack IS BALLS.

And finally, to all my beta tester friends that I sent this blog link to... EAT ME. (Except for you. You're cool)

I love all your kind words. Even those that made fun of me with your kind words. Because you're all suckers for reading my crap! Ha!

And now here is a picture of a pile of rocks that looks strangely like a pile of poop:

Looooooooove yoooooooou!

The Field Notebook -- A Picture Post.

Today I did not go to the forest.

My scooter tire was flat so I took the day off and went snorkeling (got mad sunburned) and did a lot of cleaning/laundry etc. Since I was being productive and all, I also briefly considered typing up my notes from my field notebook. However, I realized how stupid this idea was as soon as I opened my notebook and remembered how awesome a note-taker I am! Let's take a look shall we....

Yeah I can't really read it either but in the beginning, I was such a good note-taker! I wrote down EVERYTHING, including (lower right): "Alpha male barfs berries --> after eats green leaves off the road."



And then we digress to horrible pictures and some mixed English script with Japanese characters. (Lower left): "Whitish but not too white -- (the word I'm looking for is...) FADED."



Then we have Buttermilk Spice Cake! That I made in a toaster oven with only one heat setting! This is totally related to monkeys because ______.


Don't forget the frosting. Right at the bottom of the recipe: "Double boiler cook 7 mins or until peaks form? Continue beating until consistency." Not surprisingly, the frosting turned into more of a sauce...


And this is basically and example of how the rest of my notebook looks. From top left it starts with some words about a 3-year-old monkey named Naja, including: "Naja only wants some lovin..." Then: "Naja whines and screams while Nancy (her mother) forages with baby --> poor Naja!" Then on the bottom half of the right page it appears that I can't figure out the date or the year. Then I find a group of males (written オス) and then I appear to have left the forest. As I remember, I went to some nearby villages and took note of some places that I saw along the road: "Iwasaki hotel is for big tours." "Hirauchi Spa on Seashore -- 平内海中"

And it just goes on and on like this, with weird descriptions of monkeys interspersed with recipes, places, or random feelings. One day I'm going to win the Nobel Prize for my research, you'll see!

And now for some zen:

You can't really see it here, but Jesus is cometh-ing to this nearby island to take advantage of the free Wi-Fi, so that He may download more lesbian porn. No lie.

Looooove!